Choose your Misadventure

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Introduction

Perplex City is in danger! Over the past few days, everyone who has entered the Mimasan Maze has disappeared. You are young, intelligent and ready for action, as long as it doesn't involve zombies... or lemons. They always give you the willies. At the deserted maze's entrance, your first choice presents itself:

will you take the tunnel route (Chapter I),
head up the ladder (Chapter XIV),
or go down the eerily dark slide (Chapter IV)?

Chapter I

You wander down into the tunnel expecting it to be a dank, miserable place - only to find a wonderfully carved passageway with lush, velveteen carpet. At the end of the tunnel you see a massive, wooden door and a smaller door to the left of it. Attached to the large door, a typed note says "Yjr ntsbr hp dytsohjy pm"; while the small door has a peice of paper tacked to it with "Nubuiba fi eiybs rgw ausw". Remembering those boring Eart technology classes,

Will you pass through the large door (Chapter X)
or the small door (Chapter V)?

Chapter II

You decide it's unfair just to laugh at this man - you should probably help him too. It's time to pull out your signature dish, 'Oeufs brouilles sur le pain grille'. Unfortunatly, these doesn't appear to be any bread around, so the result of your cooking is a bowl of scrambled eggs. What do people expect from such an ill-equipped kitchen? You are an artiste and cannot work in these conditions-or so you tell yourself anyway. The man asks if you wouldn't mind taking the food through while he tangos with a saucepan.

Do you do as he asks (Chapter XVI),
or tell him no, not unless you can have his jester's outfit too (Chapter XXI).

Chapter III

You leg it to the nearest group of people and quickly wrench the jester's hats from their heads. "Run free!" you shout. They don't react, and continue to climb the human pyramid. You realise that their source of power isn't actually their hats. Noticing an infidel in his midst, the monster captures you and puts you under his spell, cursed to dance forever. And you don't even know the hand jive! Woe is you. the moral of the story is: 'Don't make assumptions, or you might find yourself under the curse of a monster who will not let you stop dancing.'

The end.

Chapter IV

"Wheee!" You jump down the hole, figuring 'What's the worst that could happen?' You realise, too late, that the worst is, in fact, death. Luckily, your fall is broken by a large, squishy mat. But mats don't usually go "Ugh" do they? It turns out that the mat is a rather plump man dressed as a jester. "It's inadvisable that you shouldn't not go that way if you don't want to not be able to not get there," he wheezes, then falls back unconscious. Odd.

Do you jump down the slide he points at (Chapter VII)
or do you go through the door instead (Chapter X)?

Chapter V

You come out into a room kitted out like a kitchen. It's obvious that it wasn't originally a kitchen as pots and pans are strewn all over the floor and items of food are piled in the corners. Dancing in the middle of the room is a worried looking man dressed as a jester. Panting, he calls to you, "Oh dear, help me! Please! HE wants me to make him some food, yet HE won't let me stop dancing!" Then he kicks off a (quite good) one-man conga line.

Do you help the man out and throw something together (Chapter II)
or watch him, laughing, before wandering off into the next room (Chapter XVII)?

Chapter VI

Leaping from where you stand, you begin taking large strides towards the exit. It seemed a lot closer when you weren't running through snakes. Blindingly fast, one of the larger reptiles strikes at your heel, knocking you to the ground. Within seconds, you whole body is swarming with snakes, turning you into some sort of living snake man. Except you're not living - well, not for long. The poison from the bites runs through your veins, paralysing your body. This is your end, it isn't a good way to go.

The end.

Chapter VII

You jump into the impossibly dark hole, and fall down and down. The wind rushes through your hair, ruining your carefully styled strands. After about ten seconds of freefalling, you realise that you're either going to go splat sometime soon or this hole is never-ending. You attempt to swim through the air to find one of the walls in the darkness. As you drift closer to the wall, you can just make out a button in front of you and a round, person-sized hole. But they aren't moving. Shouldn't you be flying past them at this speed, or are they falling too? How confusing.

Should you hit the button (Chapter XI)
or try and clamber through the hole (Chapter X)?

Chapter VIII

Surprisingly, sliding like a slithering snake is somewhat successful, if rather slimy. The snake part allows you to pass and seem to have respect for a `snake` as large as you. When you crawl towards the door, they remain watching you, as if hypnotised. When you stand up, near the exit, the snakes mimic your movement and rear up as one. You lean left, they lean left. You lean right, they... well, you get it. Maybe these snakes could help you... or maybe they could be waiting for the right moment to attack.

Do you allow the snakes to follow you through the door (Chapter XII),
or shut it after you, trapping them in (Chapter XXIV)?

Chapter IX

Being a kind person, you tell the monster, "I am happy. Everyone is happy. Dancing isn't the key to happiness. You need to stop trying to change people and let them live their own lives." He stops wailing and sniffles, ".ER'UOY THGIR .KNAHT UOY ELTTIL TELGIP". He lifts you off your feet, wipes his eyes with you and places you into his mouth, crunching your bones slowly. And, with a poof, he is gone. And so are you. Oh well, you saved the world. You just couldn't save yourself.

The end.

Chapter X

You enter a room with a checkerboard floor, checkerboard walls and a checkerboard ceiling. Overall you'd describe it as 'checkerful'. While going blind from the contrasting squares, you notice that various letters [sic] carved into the tiles on the floor. You can see K, C, E, S, B, H, R, A, O and D and they're repeated over the board. Aha! You must need to jump on the right letters and spell something out to get to the door on the other side.

Do you use all the letters on the board and spell out the obvious (Chapter XVII)
or instead form the phrase "HER RED BED BORE BEARS" because it sounds funnier (Chapter XV)?

Chapter XI

The button makes a beeping noise and then the wind stops. The lights switch on and then you fall about five feet, landing on a grid above a gigantic fan. You feel quite the fool now, wishing you had thought harder about why the button wasn't falling with you. The room is pretty empty and seems to house only the fan. There are two exits, one left and one right. Peering through a crack in the door, you see that one seems to come out into a large chamber and the other seems to come out at the back of the same room. Which will you take:

the front entrance (Chapter XXIV)
or the back (Chapter XVIII)?

Chapter XII

With your snake minions in tow, you confidently walk throught the door, entering a large chamber. It is filled with people dressed as jesters doing various dances and attempting to perform tricks. One jester catches sight of you (and your horde) abd emits a high-pitched 'Eek!' before dancing as far away from you as he can. A monster sits on a throne in front of you, laughing heartily. It's time to end this manipulative nightmare.

Will you order your snakes to attack the monster by calling "Slither, my pretties!" (Chapter XXII)
or use your snake control to dance the monster into a trance (Chapter XXV)?

Chapter XIII

Missing

Chapter XIV

Ladders are fun. Up, down, it's a world of thrills. Well, it turns out they're only fun if, once you've climbed them, you don't find yourself in a room full of snakes. The hissy creatures appear to be circling some sort of black hole. The room isn't that big and the exit is just a short distance away (past a pile of snakes). It's your choice:

will you attempt to jump to the chandelier and sqing yourself over the snakes (Chapter XX)
charm the snakes with your dulcet tones (Chapter XXIII)
or jump into the suspicious black hole (Chapter VII)?

Chapter XV

Having a great time and almost forgetting why you're there, you bound across the letters, giggling like a ninny. Upon completing the phrase, you head towards the door and watch as a portcullis slides in front of the exit. Two other pieces of the checkerboard slide away to reveal other ways out. In front of one lies a jester's outfit and the door is emblazoned with a crudely drawn jester and the text "JEZTERS ONLY". The other exit is marked with a big red cross. Looks ominous.

Will you take the jester's door (Chapter XXI)
or the other (Chapter XVIII)?

Chapter XVI

You wander through the swinging door into a huge chamber (of doom, probably), carrying the bowl. A horrifying sight stands before you! Hundreds of people bob to and fro doing some sort of merry jig, all dressed as jesters. On a throne in the centre sits an over-sized monster, cackling loudly, his deep guffaws reverberating off the walls. He spots you and booms: "?YHW ERA UOY TON GNICNAD !ENOYREVE TSUM EB YPPAH" and then bursts into tears, ignoring his scrambled eggs.

Do you try to comfort the big wimp (Chapter IX)
or take your chance to kick him when he's down (Chapter XIX)?

Chapter XVII

This leads you into some sort of dressing room. Brightly coloured jester's outfits line the walls. Two jester paintings hang on the wall, both looking eerily alive. Startling you, one of them mumbles "Well, are you going to wear it or not?" Then the other says, "Put it on. Go on, you'll look good. I'd wear it. Take a chance. It's worth it, I promise." Although you've never relied on advice from a painting before, maybe now is your chance. After all, they look old and sage, but perhaps that's just the cracked paint.

Will you wear the jester's suit (Chapter XXI)
or go through the door without it (Chapter XXIV)?

Chapter XVIII

The door turns out to be a back entrance into the central chamber. Right in front of you sits a huge monster, facing away. Peering round the side of his throne, you can see red-faced people doing the can-can. A loud chuckle echoes off the walls. You must stop this madness. They aren't even any good at the can-can! You'd attempt to fight the monster but fancy keeping your bones in one piece and, preferably, inside your body. It's time to think fast:

will you try and reason with (rather foul-smelling) monster (Chapter IX)
or break his spell by tearing the jester's hats off the people (Chapter III)?

Chapter XIX

"Stupid monster. What's wrong with you? I don't want to dance. Everyone hates you. Why don't you just disappear?" The monster looks at you in horro, his eyes widening. A single tear rolls down his cheek and, with a whimper, he vanishes. You've won! You're mean but you've won. And everyone is free! Free, and dressed in jester's outfits! You take this chance to laugh at everyone else, then make your way out of the maze. Life is back to normal. At least, for now...

The end.

Chapter XX

Feeling like an action hero, you jump towards the chandelier, just managing to grasp it with your fingertips. Dangling pracariously, you swing and then launch your body forwards hoping you'll make it over the snakes. You do! Well Done. Looking back, your face falls as you see that you've managed to drop your key in the middle of the snakes.

Will you try and get it back by pretending to be a snake and slithering across the floor? (Chapter VIII)
or were you never that fond of your key anyhow and so choose to take the exit? (Chapter X).

Chapter XXI

You put on the jester's costume and make your way through the door into the gigantic chamber. You fit right in here, with hundreds of other people also wearing the same outfit. Scattered around the room, groups are trying to form humpan pyramids while doing the hand jive. They aren't doing very well, each time someone falls, another jester tries to climb up into their position. A terrifying monster sits on a throne in the middle, grinning widely every time someone falls down.

You need to find some way of stopping this. Do you try and talk the monster round (Chapter IX)
or free the people yourself by removing the source of the spell, their jester's hats (Chapter III)

Chapter XXII

You shout the phrase with an overly extravagant hand gesture and your snakes slither off in the direction of the monster. It gugles with fear as they approach, and you think to yourself what a genius you are, doing none of the dirty work and beating this beast. Of course, you think this too soon. As the snakes reach the monster, they clamber up his body and (with their newfound love of bipeds), squeeze him affectionatly. The monster then picks you up and plucks off your limbs to feed to his new pets. It only hurts until you die.

The end.

Chapter XXIII

Having come unprepared for snake charming - who nknww? - you attempt to woo the snakes by singing to them. "Cows that do arithmetic! Cows that make you drool and lick!"> A fine choice. But the snakes don't look happy. In fact, for quite expressionless creatures, they look decidedly displeased. You continue singing, missing notes and humming as your nerves make you forget the words. Okay, now they look mad. Time for desperate measures.

Do you run through the snakes, figuring they're slow and won't be able to follow your lightning legs? (Chapter VI)
or do you lie on the floor and slither along with them, hoping they won't notice the fact that you are not a snake? (Chapter VIII)

Chapter XXIV

This is it, the central chamber. You've come quite a way, yet you feel like you've made no progress at all. All around you, people dressed as jesters cartwheel and jive in some sort of mad ritual and in front of you, you see the orchestrator of it all; a monstrous monstrosity of a monster. Hastily, you try to think of what to do before the monster spots you and tuns you into neo of thos dancing loons.

Will you run to the people and try to take off their jesters hats, surely the source of the swpell? (Chapter III)
or try and insult the monster, hoping he's not as monsterous as he looks? (Chapter XXI)?

Chapter XXV

Note - this chapter is labelled XXIV. Presumably a mistake?

Rocking backwards and forwards, you and the snakes perform a small ditty. You leap from foot to foot, leaving the monster in awe at your quuite average dancing skills. After about five minutes, you slop moving and the monster's head continues to bob along. Gradually he fades away, a look of hapiness overcoming him, leaving you, the snakes, and most of Perplex City wondering wehere the monster had come from and why oh whoy did he love dancing so much? It doesn't worry you unduly, though and you make your way home to h ave a sit down, happy that the city is safe… for now.

The end.

Cards on which the story is found

In order:
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