Futures

Futures from March 21 edition:

The Eagle (March 11 - April 10) Heel, boy! You've been coming down pretty hard on your group. Step back, breathe, and remember - it's only a game.

The Spider (April 11 - May 10) Miss Priss, when last we spoke you were plotting vengeance on he who done you wrong. Giving the man a little space may be just the unexpected trick to lure him back to your lair.

The Wave (May 11 - June 10) I love how hard you're working, but I do not love the toll this work is taking on your body. I prescribe green vegetables and a spa day.

The Archer (June 11 - July 10) Is it possible to have it all if you're not having much fun? Take some time out of your hectic schedule to plan some spontaneity!

The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10) If you ask her, she will come.

The Dragon (August 11 - September 10) So there's this rumor going around that you just suffered a rather devastating blow to your ego. You've kind of had it coming. But don't fret, you'll bounce straight back.

The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10) Your team is spinning its wheels, and you're leaving them hanging. You're the ideas person, so get cracking!

The Dice (October 11 - November 10) Take a shot on that newcomer who wants a piece of the action. Bide your time; it will pay off big at the end of the week.

The Maze (November 11 - December 10) I know just what will get you out of those doldrums. Shake up your little world: take a class, join a new games league, take a day trip. Anything's better than where you are now, right?

The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10) Roses are red, violets are blue. Somebody close has a huge crush on you.

The Hand (January 11 - February 10) You're too gosh darned nice. Stop being everyone's carpet. Next time someone asks a favor of you, politely refuse. You know what guy does not look hot to the ladies? That would be the one they can push around.

The Baby (February 11 - March 10) You have been taking such positive steps lately. Keep it up! The end result will be completely worth it. You may even land a treat tomorrow for all your hard work.

Futures from March 28 edition:

The Eagle (March 11 - April 10) Floundering? Out of options? Do what I do when trouble hits: Sushi! Have an eel and cucumber roll; it brings you luck.

The Spider (April 11 - May 10) The Archer has you in her sights. Should your subdolous ways slip, she'll snarl. Scarper.

The Wave (May 11 - June 10) Shuffle your way to heaven at your weekly card game. Bet big. Triangles are go.

The Archer (June 11 - July 10) The fruits of your labor are sour. Taking up arms is never suggested, though it is often appropriate. Just don't forget to take backup.

The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10) Great minds think alike, so get together with a like mind this week. Let two halves make a sphere.

The Dragon (August 11 - September 10) Your fiery nature ignites a skirmish against a rival team. Funnel your energies into something positive, and stop it. You know, before someone loses an eye.

The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10) You seem to be in a bit of a bawdy phase. Doesn't seem like a lasting turn. The slightest overstepping of your boundaries will turn you prim again.

The Dice (October 11 - November 10) Missing a piece of your interpersonal jigsaw is even worse than misplacing your key. This is a good week to take out a personal ad. Go on, it's only your pride.

The Maze (November 11 - December 10) Unexpected ventures haven't turned out well for you. It's time to get back to basics. Traditional values are on the rise.

The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10) I think that you shall never be as smart as those who know base three.

The Hand (January 11 - February 10) Your newfound spirit of independence has opened many portals. Pay no heed to those who would direct your course; use your own internal compass.

The Baby (February 11 - March 10) You are as beautiful as a flower. Why do you let this ugly-minded person make you dinner? (Eel and cucumber rolls can be lucky for all signs, really. Yum.)

And remember, it's not how you play the game, it's how the game plays you, kiddo.