Choose your Misadventure

Introduction

Perplex City is in danger! Over the past few days, everyone who has entered the Mimasan Maze has disappeared. You are young, intelligent and ready for action, as long as it doesn't involve zombies... or lemons. They always give you the willies. At the deserted maze's entrance, your first choice presents itself:

will you take the tunnel route (Chapter I),

head up the ladder (Chapter XIV),

or go down the eerily dark slide (Chapter IV)?

Chapter I

You wander down into the tunnel expecting it to be a dank, miserable place - only to find a wonderfully carved passageway with lush, velveteen carpet. At the end of the tunnel you see a massive, wooden door and a smaller door to the left of it. Attached to the large door, a typed note says "Yjr ntsbr hp dytsohjy pm"; while the small door has a peice of paper tacked to it with "Nubuiba fi eiybs rgw ausw". Remembering those boring Eart technology classes,

Will you pass through the large door (Chapter X)

or the small door (Chapter V)?

Chapter II

You decide it's unfair just to laugh at this man - you should probably help him too. It's time to pull out your signature dish, 'Oeufs brouilles sur le pain grille'. Unfortunatly, these doesn't appear to be any bread around, so the result of your cooking is a bowl of scrambled eggs. What do people expect from such an ill-equipped kitchen? You are an artiste and cannot work in these conditions-or so you tell yourself anyway. The man asks if you wouldn't mind taking the food through while he tangos with a saucepan.

Do you do as he asks (Chapter XVI),

or tell him no, not unless you can have his jester's outfit too (Chapter XXI).

Chapter III

You leg it to the nearest group of people and quickly wrench the jester's hats from their heads. "Run free!" you shout. They don't react, and continue to climb the human pyramid. You realise that their source of power isn't actually their hats. Noticing an infidel in his midst, the monster captures you and puts you under his spell, cursed to dance forever. And you don't even know the hand jive! Woe is you. the moral of the story is: 'Don't make assumptions, or you might find yourself under the curse of a monster who will not let you stop dancing.'

The end.

Chapter IV

"Wheee!" You jump down the hole, figuring 'What's the worst that could happen?' You realise, too late, that the worst is, in fact, death. Luckily, your fall is broken by a large, squishy mat. But mats don't usually go "Ugh" do they? It turns out that the mat is a rather plump man dressed as a jester. "It's inadvisable that you shouldn't not go that way if you don't want to not be able to not get there," he wheezes, then falls back unconscious. Odd.

Do you jump down the slide he points at (Chapter VII)

or do you go through the door instead (Chapter X)?

Chapter V

You come out into a room kitted out like a kitchen. It's obvious that it wasn't originally a kitchen as pots and pans are strewn all over the floor and items of food are piled in the corners. Dancing in the middle of the room is a worried looking man dressed as a jester. Panting, he calls to you, "Oh dear, help me! Please! HE wants me to make him some food, yet HE won't let me stop dancing!" Then he kicks off a (quite good) one-man conga line.

Do you help the man out and throw something together (Chapter II)

or watch him, laughing, before wandering off into the next room (Chapter XVII)?

Chapter VI

Leaping from where you stand, you begin taking large strides towards the exit. It seemed a lot closer when you weren't running through snakes. Blindingly fast, one of the larger reptiles strikes at your heel, knocking you to the ground. Within seconds, you whole body is swarming with snakes, turning you into some sort of living snake man. Except you're not living - well, not for long. The poison from the bites runs through your veins, paralysing your body. This is your end, it isn't a good way to go.

The end.

Chapter X

You enter a room with a checkerboard floor, checkerboard walls and a checkerboard ceiling. Overall you'd describe it as 'checkerful'. While going blind from the contrasting squares, you notice that various letters [sic] carved into the tiles on the floor. You can see K, C, E, S, B, H, R, A, O and D and they're repeated over the board. Aha! You must need to jump on the right letters and spell something out to get to the door on the other side.

Do you use all the letters on the board and spell out the obvious (Chapter XVII)

or instead form the phrase "HER RED BED BORE BEARS" because it sounds funnier (Chapter XV)?

Chapter XI

The button makes a beeping noise and then the wind stops. The lights switch on and then you fall about five feet, landing on a grid above a gigantic fan. You feel quite the fool now, wishing you had thought harder about why the button wasn't falling with you. The room is pretty empty and seems to house only the fan. There are two exits, one left and one right. Peering through a crack in the door, you see that one seems to come out into a large chamber and the other seems to come out at the back of the same room. Which will you take:

the front entrance (Chapter XXIV)

or the back (Chapter XVIII)?

Chapter XII

With your snake minions in tow, you confidently walk throught the door, entering a large chamber. It is filled with people dressed as jesters doing various dances and attempting to perform tricks. One jester catches sight of you (and your horde) abd emits a high-pitched 'Eek!' before dancing as far away from you as he can. A monster sits on a throne in front of you, laughing heartily. It's time to end this manipulative nightmare.

Will you order your snakes to attack the monster by calling "Slither, my pretties!" (Chapter XXII)

or use your snake control to dance the monster into a trance (Chapter XXV)?

Chapter XVII

This leads you into some sort of dressing room. Brightly coloured jester's outfits line the walls. Two jester paintings hang on the wall, both looking eerily alive. Startling you, one of them mumbles "Well, are you going to wear it or not?" Then the other says, "Put it on. Go on, you'll look good. I'd wear it. Take a chance. It's worth it, I promise." Although you've never relied on advice from a painting before, maybe now is your chance. After all, they look old and sage, but perhaps that's just the cracked paint.

Will you wear the jester's suit (Chapter XXI)

or go through the door without it (Chapter XXIV)?

Chapter XVIII

The door turns out to be a back entrance into the central chamber. Right in front of you sits a huge monster, facing away. Peering round the side of his throne, you can see red-faced people doing the can-can. A loud chuckle echoes off the walls. You must stop this madness. They aren't even any good at the can-can! You'd attempt to fight the monster but fancy keeping your bones in one piece and, preferably, inside your body. It's time to think fast:

will you try and reason with (rather foul-smelling) monster (Chapter IX)

or break his spell by tearing the jester's hats off the people (Chapter III)?

Chapter XIX

"Stupid monster. What's wrong with you? I don't want to dance. Everyone hates you. Why don't you just disappear?" The monster looks at you in horro, his eyes widening. A single tear rolls down his cheek and, with a whimper, he vanishes. You've won! You're mean but you've won. And everyone is free! Free, and dressed in jester's outfits! You take this chance to laugh at everyone else, then make your way out of the maze. Life is back to normal. At least, for now...

The end.

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Cards on which the story is found

• Season 2 Card #004 - Pinball Wizard
• Season 2 Card #009 - Tapestry
• Season 2 Card #010 - Blockwork
• Season 2 Card #011 - Connections
• Season 2 Card #041 - Toil and Trouble