The "is Kurt dead 'humour' file"
The following is a result of tension built-up from the lack of hearing the outcome of Kurt's visit to Gillit Road and includes 'work' from many of those over at UF and on IRC. If I have missed any classics then apologies, and feel free to add them.
Disclaimer
Reading the following content may cause uncontrollable mirth.
However more likely effects include grimacing, cringing and madness!
You have been warned!
Schrodinger's Kurt
Kurt is alive.
Kurt is dead.
These are the two possiblities
Schrodinger's Kurt describes the suituation where both are true.
Naturally getting an update from the POLT will cause this theory to break down as it will in effect be a measurement altering the result!
Puns
Death would certainly Kurtail his career.
It looks like it could be Kurtains.
If this situation resolves itself nicely I reckon it could be adapted into a brilliant Kurtoon series.
I'm going to the European Kurt of Human Rights.
I hadn't realised how disKurteous I and my fellow pundits had been.
I just hope PXC won't be needing to issue a death Kurtificate anytime soon!
If he dies, is it a Kurtastrophe?
We Kurtinue to speculate.
Limericks
There was a young man called Kurt
Who ended up seriously hurt
To Gillit Road he went
By the Earth CRT sent
And now his body lies in the dirt
Oh a Wednesday full of gloom
A group gathered in a chat room
Is Kurt dead?
Is what they said.
Yes he went up in a boom!
Kurt went to Gillit road
As this is what he was told
When he got there
Information they did share
It was worth its weight in gold!
One week after it snowed
Kurt to Gillit Road had to go
But he went out and got pissed
And the meeting he missed
And he's too ashamed now to let us all know!
MC had comitted a crime
They didnt update "the path of least time"
"Give us the score!
Is Kurt dead on the floor?
Or is he tied up with some twine?
We fear that our Kurt might be dead
Bleeding out from the hole in his head
We sit and we sigh
And we ask ourselves why
Didn't we send Garnet instead?
Kurt's silence is not reassuring
Nor Violet's: are they both abjuring
their duty to post
one or two lines at most
to let us know what they're enduring?
There once was a guy called Kurt
Who now lies several feet under the dirt
What a tragic loss
He's covered in moss
Now the Third Power are alert..
Lament
Kurt went off with dreams of glory, Underpants on over corduroy slacks.
We’re starting to think that it got rather gory, and we’re wondering which part of him we're going to get back.
Oh Kurt, if you’re listening up there in the sky
Tell us the horrible way you were made to die!
Joke
A guy walks into a bar. The barman says, "Hey man, how's your day been?" "I've been scribing puzzles all day, if you must know. Can you just get me a damn drink?" snaps the guy. "Well sheesh," replies the barman, "no need to be so bloomin' Kurt!"
Acrostic Poem
K urt,
U nfiction
R esulted in his
T ermination.
