The "is Kurt dead 'humour' file"
The following is a result of tension built-up from the lack of hearing the outcome of Kurt's visit to Gillit Road and includes 'work' from many of those over at UF and on IRC. If I have missed any classics then apologies, and feel free to add them.
Disclaimer
Reading the following content may cause uncontrollable mirth.
However more likely effects include grimacing, cringing and madness!
You have been warned!
Schrodinger's Kurt
Kurt is alive.
Kurt is dead.
These are the two possiblities
Schrodinger's Kurt describes the suituation where both are true.
Naturally getting an update from the POLT will cause this theory to break down as it will in effect be a measurement altering the result!
Puns
Death would certainly Kurtail his career.
It looks like it could be Kurtains.
If this situation resolves itself nicely I reckon it could be adapted into a brilliant Kurtoon series.
He might have been Kurt red handed as it were
I'm going to the European Kurt of Human Rights.
I hadn't realised how disKurteous I and my fellow pundits had been.
I just hope PXC won't be needing to issue a death Kurtificate anytime soon!
If he dies, is it a Kurtastrophe?
We Kurtinue to speculate.
Limericks
There was a young man called Kurt
Who ended up seriously hurt
To Gillit Road he went
By the Earth CRT sent
And now his body lies in the dirt
Oh a Wednesday full of gloom
A group gathered in a chat room
Is Kurt dead?
Is what they said.
Yes he went up in a boom!
Kurt went to Gillit road
As this is what he was told
When he got there
Information they did share
It was worth its weight in gold!
One week after it snowed
Kurt to Gillit Road had to go
But he went out and got pissed
And the meeting he missed
And he's too ashamed now to let us all know!
MC had comitted a crime
They didnt update "the path of least time"
"Give us the score!
Is Kurt dead on the floor?
Or is he tied up with some twine?
We fear that our Kurt might be dead
Bleeding out from the hole in his head
We sit and we sigh
And we ask ourselves why
Didn't we send Garnet instead?
Kurt's silence is not reassuring
Nor Violet's: are they both abjuring
their duty to post
one or two lines at most
to let us know what they're enduring?
There once was a guy called Kurt
Who now lies several feet under the dirt
What a tragic loss
He's covered in moss
Now the Third Power are alert..
Things seem to be getting much worse
Poor Kurt might end up in a hearse
If that is the case
We should be brave of face
The sitation might get more adverse!
Now i know that T-I-N-A-G
But i'm cheered by one thing
You see: we know Kurt too well
For him to be felled
So early by the guys at MC.
This stuff just drives me crazy
The suspense that we all have to see
They just have to tell
For our fears they must quell
By those strange little guys at MC.
That said, I would not be too shocked
For poor Kurt in some room to be locked
And with our great brainy clout
We'll bust him right out
Though he'd be far better off with a Glock.
It looks like Kurt disappeared
The folks at 3P all cheered
Meanwhile back on earth
We were lacking in mirth
As new theories were being volunteered.
Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead
Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead
Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead
Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead
And that is what's stuck in my head
Here we wait for the major update
Telling us of a guy called Kurts' fate
We have baited breath
We dont want another death
No-one will be left at this rate!
It's a dark time but you know what I say?
You must look at it all in this way:
Our friend, he has copped it
But we couldn't have stopped it
Snd I'm one step closer to Miss Kiteway!
There once was a lad named Kurt,
We all feared he might be hurt,
He met the Third Power,
And rather than cower,
We think he lies dead in the dirt.
Non-Limericks
Kurt went off with dreams of glory, Underpants on over corduroy slacks.
We’re starting to think that it got rather gory, and we’re wondering which part of him we're going to get back.
Oh Kurt, if you’re listening up there in the sky
Tell us the horrible way you were made to die!
Kurt is dead
Kurt's not dead
We don't bloody know
Why the hell do Mind Candy
Put on this horrid show.
He went off with a backpack but sadly got kidnapped, we fell for a terrible ruse!
But codes we shall crack to get our hero Kurt back, once that's done we'll go get the cube.
Kurt has gone AWOL, could he be in gaol? On the run from the law, or much worse?
Gone for twenty-three hours since he met the 3rd Power, our every ploy seems to be cursed!
Suspence, Driving force
Kurt's state must not be revealed
Or we will explode.
Joke
A guy walks into a bar. The barman says, "Hey man, how's your day been?" "I've been scribing puzzles all day, if you must know. Can you just get me a damn drink?" snaps the guy. "Well sheesh," replies the barman, "no need to be so bloomin' Kurt!"
Acrostic Poem
K urt,
U nfiction
R esulted in his
T ermination?
Final Question
How many Kurts did the Kurtkiller kill if the Kurtkiller did kill Kurt?
