The "is Kurt dead 'humour' file"

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The following is a result of tension built-up from the lack of hearing the outcome of Kurt's visit to Gillit Road and includes 'work' from many of those over at UF and on IRC. If I have missed any classics then apologies, and feel free to add them.


Disclaimer

Reading the following content may cause uncontrollable mirth.

However more likely effects include grimacing, cringing and madness!

You have been warned!


Schrodinger's Kurt

Kurt is alive.

Kurt is dead.

These are the two possiblities

Schrodinger's Kurt describes the suituation where both are true.

Naturally getting an update from the POLT will cause this theory to break down as it will in effect be a measurement altering the result!


Puns

Death would certainly Kurtail his career.

It looks like it could be Kurtains.

If this situation resolves itself nicely I reckon it could be adapted into a brilliant Kurtoon series.

He might have been Kurt red handed as it were

I'm going to the European Kurt of Human Rights.

I hadn't realised how disKurteous I and my fellow pundits had been.

I just hope PXC won't be needing to issue a death Kurtificate anytime soon!

If he dies, is it a Kurtastrophe?

We Kurtinue to speculate.


Limericks

There was a young man called Kurt

Who ended up seriously hurt

To Gillit Road he went

By the Earth CRT sent

And now his body lies in the dirt


Oh a Wednesday full of gloom

A group gathered in a chat room

Is Kurt dead?

Is what they said.

Yes he went up in a boom!


Kurt went to Gillit road

As this is what he was told

When he got there

Information they did share

It was worth its weight in gold!


One week after it snowed

Kurt to Gillit Road had to go

But he went out and got pissed

And the meeting he missed

And he's too ashamed now to let us all know!


MC had comitted a crime

They didnt update "the path of least time"

"Give us the score!

Is Kurt dead on the floor?

Or is he tied up with some twine?


We fear that our Kurt might be dead

Bleeding out from the hole in his head

We sit and we sigh

And we ask ourselves why

Didn't we send Garnet instead?


Kurt's silence is not reassuring

Nor Violet's: are they both abjuring

their duty to post

one or two lines at most

to let us know what they're enduring?


There once was a guy called Kurt

Who now lies several feet under the dirt

What a tragic loss

He's covered in moss

Now the Third Power are alert..


Things seem to be getting much worse

Poor Kurt might end up in a hearse

If that is the case

We should be brave of face

The sitation might get more adverse!


Now i know that T-I-N-A-G

But i'm cheered by one thing

You see: we know Kurt too well

For him to be felled

So early by the guys at MC.


This stuff just drives me crazy

The suspense that we all have to see

They just have to tell

For our fears they must quell

By those strange little guys at MC.


That said, I would not be too shocked

For poor Kurt in some room to be locked

And with our great brainy clout

We'll bust him right out

Though he'd be far better off with a Glock.


It looks like Kurt disappeared

The folks at 3P all cheered

Meanwhile back on earth

We were lacking in mirth

As new theories were being volunteered.


Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead

Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead

Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead

Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt Dead

And that is what's stuck in my head


Here we wait for the major update

Telling us of a guy called Kurts' fate

We have baited breath

We dont want another death

No-one will be left at this rate!


It's a dark time but you know what I say?

You must look at it all in this way:

Our friend, he has copped it

But we couldn't have stopped it

Snd I'm one step closer to Miss Kiteway!


There once was a lad named Kurt,

We all feared he might be hurt,

He met the Third Power,

And rather than cower,

We think he lies dead in the dirt.

Non-Limericks

Kurt went off with dreams of glory, Underpants on over corduroy slacks.

We’re starting to think that it got rather gory, and we’re wondering which part of him we're going to get back.

Oh Kurt, if you’re listening up there in the sky

Tell us the horrible way you were made to die!


Kurt is dead

Kurt's not dead

We don't bloody know

Why the hell do Mind Candy

Put on this horrid show.


He went off with a backpack but sadly got kidnapped, we fell for a terrible ruse!

But codes we shall crack to get our hero Kurt back, once that's done we'll go get the cube.


Kurt has gone AWOL, could he be in gaol? On the run from the law, or much worse?

Gone for twenty-three hours since he met the 3rd Power, our every ploy seems to be cursed!


Suspence, Driving force

Kurt's state must not be revealed

Or we will explode.


Joke

A guy walks into a bar. The barman says, "Hey man, how's your day been?" "I've been scribing puzzles all day, if you must know. Can you just get me a damn drink?" snaps the guy. "Well sheesh," replies the barman, "no need to be so bloomin' Kurt!"


Acrostic Poem

K urt,

U nfiction

R esulted in his

T ermination?


Final Question

How many Kurts did the Kurtkiller kill if the Kurtkiller did kill Kurt?