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| Futures are a section in the [[Perplex City Sentinel]], much like Horoscopes. | | ==General== |
| | *'''Website:''' http://www.perplexcitysentinel.com/futures/ |
| | *Futures are a section in the [[Perplex City Sentinel]], much like Horoscopes on Earth. |
| | *As on Earth, each sign has an association with a certain portion of the [[Calendar]] |
| | *Also as on Earth, The signs appear to have mythological significance. |
| | *Many people believe the futures are all stuff and nonesense. |
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| ===Futures from March 21 edition:=== | | ==The Signs== |
| | ===The Hand=== |
| | *January 11 - February 10 |
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
| | ===The Baby=== |
| Heel, boy! You've been coming down pretty hard on your group. Step back, breathe, and remember - it's only a game.
| | *February 11 - March 10 |
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
| | ===The Eagle=== |
| Miss Priss, when last we spoke you were plotting vengeance on he who done you wrong. Giving the man a little space may be just the unexpected trick to lure him back to your lair.
| | *March 11 - April 10 |
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
| | ===The Spider=== |
| I love how hard you're working, but I do not love the toll this work is taking on your body. I prescribe green vegetables and a spa day.
| | *April 11 - May 10 |
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
| | ===The Wave=== |
| Is it possible to have it all if you're not having much fun? Take some time out of your hectic schedule to plan some spontaneity!
| | *May 11 - June 10 |
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
| | ===The Archer=== |
| If you ask her, she will come.
| | *June 11 - July 10 |
| | *Famous Archers: |
| | **[[Scarlett Kiteway]] |
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
| | ===The Half-filled Jug=== |
| So there's this rumor going around that you just suffered a rather devastating blow to your ego. You've kind of had it coming. But don't fret, you'll bounce straight back.
| | *July 11 - August 10 |
| | *Refers to one of [[Five Tasks of Madna]] |
| | **Madna was to fill the [[Mazy River]] using a jug. |
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
| | ===The Dragon=== |
| Your team is spinning its wheels, and you're leaving them hanging. You're the ideas person, so get cracking!
| | *August 11 - September 10 |
| | *Famous Dragons: |
| | **[[Violet Kiteway]] |
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
| | ===The Three Balls=== |
| Take a shot on that newcomer who wants a piece of the action. Bide your time; it will pay off big at the end of the week.
| | *September 11 - October 10 |
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
| | ===The Dice=== |
| I know just what will get you out of those doldrums. Shake up your little world: take a class, join a new games league, take a day trip. Anything's better than where you are now, right?
| | *October 11 - November 10 |
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
| | ===The Maze=== |
| Roses are red, violets are blue. Somebody close has a huge crush on you.
| | *November 11 - December 10 |
| | *Refers to one of [[Five Tasks of Madna]] |
| | **Madna was to navigate the [[Maze of Stars]] |
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
| | ===The Apple-Thief=== |
| You're too gosh darned nice. Stop being everyone's carpet. Next time someone asks a favor of you, politely refuse. You know what guy does not look hot to the ladies? That would be the one they can push around.
| | *December 11 - January 10 |
| | *Refers to one of [[Five Tasks of Madna]] |
| | **Madna was to steal the apple from the jaws of a giant crocodile. |
| | *This sign is always delivered in prose of some sort. |
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| You have been taking such positive steps lately. Keep it up! The end result will be completely worth it. You may even land a treat tomorrow for all your hard work.
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| | ===And remember, ...=== |
| | The futures, as presented by [[Madame Bianca]], always includes a more general statement. This advice always begins with '''And Remember,'''. It is unknown if this is a traditional means of telling futures, or simply one of Madame Bianca's hallmarks. |
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| ===Futures from March 28 edition: ===
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| Floundering? Out of options? Do what I do when trouble hits: Sushi! Have an eel and cucumber roll; it brings you luck.
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
| | ==References== |
| The Archer has you in her sights. Should your subdolous ways slip, she'll snarl. Scarper.
| | *The [[Reconstructionists]] have a security system which uses a knowledge and awareness of the futures. |
| | | **blog, 02-JUN-05 "A plan" ([http://quirkyacuity.com/archives/2005/06/a_plan.html link]) |
| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
| | **blog, 03-JUN-05 "Success" ([http://quirkyacuity.com/archives/2005/06/success.html link]) |
| Shuffle your way to heaven at your weekly card game. Bet big. Triangles are go.
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| The fruits of your labor are sour. Taking up arms is never suggested, though it is often appropriate. Just don't forget to take backup.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| Great minds think alike, so get together with a like mind this week. Let two halves make a sphere.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| Your fiery nature ignites a skirmish against a rival team. Funnel your energies into something positive, and stop it. You know, before someone loses an eye.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| You seem to be in a bit of a bawdy phase. Doesn't seem like a lasting turn. The slightest overstepping of your boundaries will turn you prim again.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| Missing a piece of your interpersonal jigsaw is even worse than misplacing your key. This is a good week to take out a personal ad. Go on, it's only your pride.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| Unexpected ventures haven't turned out well for you. It's time to get back to basics. Traditional values are on the rise.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| I think that you shall never be as smart as those who know base three.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| Your newfound spirit of independence has opened many portals. Pay no heed to those who would direct your course; use your own internal compass.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| You are as beautiful as a flower. Why do you let this ugly-minded person make you dinner? (Eel and cucumber rolls can be lucky for all signs, really. Yum.)
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| And remember, it's not how you play the game, it's how the game plays you, kiddo.
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| ===Futures from the week of April 4 edition:===
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| Persistence pays; this is the week for you to be stubborn. Stand your ground. Beware the Jug who will try to derail you.
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| As your skirmish rolls on, you may require a distraction. A fluffy movie, a new pair of shoes, or some Earth-lit might be perfect to lift your spirits.
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| Try your brain at your local puzzle open this week. I know you can be intimidated by live events, but you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. You're making great strides.
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| Intelligence has driven you where you are. It is, however, not everything. You're becoming cold, and I fret that you'll freeze out your support system.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| Endgame can't come too soon for you, eh? Take some time to really explore your world fully now. Breathe it in while you still have a chance.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| "Nice spec. Buy you a drink?" This haggard line was actually used on me at a puzzlebar this weekend. Needless to say, I had to retort with another classic: "What's your sign, baby?" Dragons, get new material. Please.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| Cased any joints lately? Several Balls I know are up to no good. Crime doesn't pay, dudes.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| Expect a windfall. Then do the opposite of your norm. Rather than putting those Lecks back into the games, please set some aside. You'll need them next month.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| Kick those energy leeches out of your life. You know you have to sooner or later!
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended. That you have but slumbr'd here, whilst these visions did appear.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| Does my third eye deceive me? Are you really eyeing the Three Balls? If you want to end up like Joya and Alejo, I suppose it's really none of my business.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| Spring is all sprungy, so splurge on something cute and pastel. Nothing works as well as fashion for a panacea!
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| ''And remember,'' you won't help children grow by pulling them up higher.
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| ===Futures from the week of April 11 edition:===
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| You've been hard at work spinning that web of yours. This week you'll finally get a look at your grand design. It's perfect!
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| Wear something yellow today. And no, I mean something that started out yellow. It brings out your ruddy optimism.
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| Getting awfully full of yourself, aren't you? Don't worry, I know a little Hand who's going to put you in your place.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| Tuesday will be a very, very bad day. Better call in sick and hide under the covers.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| Ever feel like you're the last of a dying breed? That's because you are. And who do you think will miss you, anyway?
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| You should have a nice chat with your mother. She misses you, and we both know you've got some things you really should tell her.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| All of this practice being patient is having a salubrious effect on you. Blood pressure down, in touch with your inner light, and so forth. You even find solves faster! Keep up the good work.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| You're getting frustrated at your irrational surroundings. Take a deep breath, help yourself to a good glass of wine, relax. It will all start to make sense before long.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| When every die cast falls your way, be grateful that you're here to play.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| This week you'll see right through the Archer's fabrications. Don't be afraid to speak up, you know you're on the right side.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| Looking at your spring wardrobe? You'll feel better about it if you wait until next week, after you catch a stomach bug and lose five pounds.
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| Don't be so hard on yourself on Wednesday, it could happen to anybody. On Friday, though, you so should have seen it coming. Better luck next time!
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| <b>And remember,</b> nobody keeps a secret forever.
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| ===Futures from the week of April 18 edition:===
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| Web's done, so take a time out. Get to the library and ask yourself, "What would Charlotte do?"
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| Trust your gut. If you think the hand's bad, it probably is. But then, you knew that, right?
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| Well, that smarted! Sometimes it is okay to bite that which smacks you.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| Remember how much fun you used to have with the neighborhood kids, playing tag in the street? Games can still be that freeing, so go with the flow.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| You never were so hot at pick up sticks. Does it sting that she didn't call? Welcome to the rest of the human race, boyo.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| When the revolution comes, it'll be people like you against the wall. Of course, we all know spheres don't rest against a wall easily, so let's just say there'll probably be a vice involved.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| Long story short. Snorkels ahoy! Prepare to eat trout, you lucky duckling.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| Quite lost down the rabbit hole, aren't ya? This babe's the one to give you a helping hand.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| All work and no play yield great rewards at the end of the day.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| It's like I used to tell my sister: if you're going to head south, make sure you bring the spray. If you mess with the bull, you'll get the horns.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| Can't get that promotion you want by resting on your laurels. The effort you'll need to make comes reflexively to others, so you'll have to really put on a good show.
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| You have reason to stand tall. Just make sure you don't hit your head on that load-bearing strut over there!
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| <b>And remember,</b> the most amazing journey happens without taking a step.
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| ===Futures from the week of April 25 edition:===
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| You are a rare and special flower. No, really. I don't care what all those other people say.
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| My, my. Hasn't my little up-and-downer gone and made himself a big ol' fanboy? A little birdie tells me that you've quite the crush on a certain big name gamer. Remember, they taze stalkers.
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| Sure have your work cut out for you. Use the week to recharge. It's the calm before the storm.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| Well, tip you over and pour you out: someone's hiding a lush secret. It's not as covert as you think. I spy with my little eye a spider in the know.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| Dude, have you tried the dragon roll at Asiachique? It's a little explosion of heaven in one's mouth. It's really just the thing to soothe the savage beast.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| Grey days got you down? I hear Brain Benders has a special happy hour on when it's raining. Get in out of the wet and have a little fun. Tell 'em Madame B. sent you, and you'll get the works.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| Your lucky charm isn't working so well these days. Best to grow out of those childish superstitions.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| It happens that I found myself at the Mimasan Maze last night, and naturally I thought of you, dear reader. Meditation early this week will do you much good, leading to unbound clarity in the days ahead.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| Phee phi pho phum. Phew that you've returned to mum.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| Stop being so frenetic; it's making me nervous. Roll on back to the bar. No eel and cucumber for you, though; it wouldn't sit right when you're so unsettled.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| I see you're getting a little careless. Is it on purpose? Make sure you know what happens when you get caught, babe.
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| As the pop song goes, you'll never get the spoils if it's not in the cards. Stick a card up your sleeve, snookums, and let the spoils come to you. But just this once. Our secret. Yours, mine, and the 5 million strong Sentinel readership.
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| <b>And remember,</b> truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not be believed.
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| ===Futures from the week of May 2 edition:===
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| An itsy bitsy conflict finds you on the right end of the debate at the end of the week. Enjoy it while it lasts.
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| Recent mania notwithstanding, you have, in fact, been trending upwards. Renew your perspectives and clear your mind. Perhaps a Wheel game would be just the ticket this weekend?
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| Naivete from you, my dear? Don't let a flirty competitor cloud your ambition. Be the first in flight.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| Sharks patrol these waters. I know you're ready to get out. I'm pleased to inform you that land is totally ahoy.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| Thursday will introduce a tall, dark, handsome stranger. Yes, I hear you moaning all the way over here. Nonetheless, stranger things happen.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| All dressed up and nowhere to go? The party's wherever you are, pet. It's all about the attitude.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| Yet again, you find yourself in over your head. When your only tool is a ninja, every problem looks like a bodybag.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| Oi. Be careful Friday night. If that hot date doesn't burn the joint down, the candles might.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| When the game is running long, and your apple's out of reach, keep in mind that all things end, and the apple's there to teach.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| Riddle me this.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| Front-burner some personal time. Play hooky and head to Hex's for an afternoon session. It's in the cards, baby.
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| Plunge into the dating pool mid-week with some pals. Cast your rod carefully. Here there be dragons.
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| <b>And remember,</b> with time, the river softens even the sharpest pebble.
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| ===Futures from the week of May 9 edition:===
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| Fashion plate, surely you've heard that tailored looks are the spring thing. Can we ditch the revivalist puffs now? It's not like you to be so behind.
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| Ambiguity is quite the lifestyle, huh? Let's, just this week during that big date, lay our cards on the table once and for all. See where the ride takes us.
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| Now that's my wham bam Archer! Take some more names this week during volleyball at the Alchemy Beach season opening on Thursday.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| The idyllic greener grass you seek is merely simulacrum. It sucks to always get what you want, fickle pickle.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| It's too early in the day for me to deal with you, fire-breath. You need to just stop spewing all over the rest of us. Ugh.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| Oi. You could use a perk up, and I'm clearly just not getting through to you. I do recommend you hook up with an Archer; the mere wake of the arrow should be enough to pull you upwards.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| Prolong this moment of power; the social implications that could result are just dizzying.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| Anxiety does not become you. The flattering shade of chill, however, may well suit. I haven't seen you this stressed since your first exams, which, by the way, you so survived.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| Candy is dandy, but liquor works quicker.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| Your actions last week infuriated me. Organ donation: consider it. Soon.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| Like to be filthy, stinking rich? Yeah, me too. Settle for winning a round's worth of Lecks? Play the mini strips on Saturday.
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| Crisis much? It's faith vs. reason right here in the nest, folks. What would Ockham do?
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| <b>And remember,</b> the only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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| ===Futures from the week of May 16 edition===
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| A Baby is about to enter your life, kicking up a tantrum and stealing away all the glory. Fret not, pet, you'll get your day in the sun before long.
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| Oh, boo hoo. Nothing going your way? Other people may think you're working at capacity, but you and I both know you're so not. Next level, stat.
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| You're kinda bleh. Really, I worry. With the Maze coming your way, it's a good time to rediscover wonder. Maybe take up magic?
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| Humility is a desirable trait, so long as it doesn't cross over into false modesty. Remember that when you're "flirting" with some sharp about Tronten vessels at your next party.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| You, duckling, need to pay a smidge more attention to where you're going. If you keep this up, somebody will get hurt. I vote not me.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| Been a little too happy-go-lucky with the purse-strings, huh? You're right, it WAS that cute. It's fine, though. You'll get a chance to work it off with a windfall extra project this week.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| I know it seems like a string of catastrophes from this end. You'll be glad for the experience once it's done, though -- if you survive until Friday, anyway.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| If someone's thoughts go to your head, be careful where your mind is led.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| No, she did not fall for it. You're fooling yourself, hot stuff. The only worse performance in town right now is Mademoiselle Aurora Belle's notorious Carmela.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| Focus, focus! You're going in a thousand directions, and frankly, it's making me a little dizzy. Let's straighten out your priorities, and how.
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| If you want it, you've got to fight for it. You sharpen your talons and start fluffing out those feathers. I gotta tell you, though, it's going to be close. Even I don't know how this one will turn out. And I'm so me.
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| Sssizzle! Is that a hot date you have lined up for Saturday? No need to be awkward now. The heavens say it's time for your cup to runneth over and end that dry spell of yours.
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| <b>And remember,</b> the sharpest Leck is the one you keep in your pocket.
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| ===Futures from the week of May 23 edition===
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| ''The Wave (May 11 - June 10)''<br>
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| Things and you: not so together. There's not a lot I can say to fix it, since the stars say you do need to lie in that bed you made. Take matters firmly into your own hands and wrangle them back to normal. I mean, like it can hurt?
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| ''The Archer (June 11 - July 10)''<br>
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| So, so, so off target. You've got precisely one day to sloth about feeling sorry for yourself. I'll even let you stay in your sweats and eat Rummy Descartes all the livelong day. But when the Cinderella hour strikes, get your game on, sweet thing.</p>
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| ''The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)''<br>
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| Let's recap. Money? Check. Love? Check. And coming around the corner, a touch of harmless adventure? Totally check. Spice it up, babe.
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| ''The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)''<br>
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| I see there's another Dragon entering your life. Sure, go for it, why should I care? You two totally deserve each other. It'll keep you out of everyone else's hair, anyway.
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| ''The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)''<br>
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| A world of exhaustion has settled over your face, and my dear, I'm sorry to say it shows. Get yourself a facial and a massage, or at least a little beauty sleep.
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| ''The Dice (October 11 - November 10)''<br>
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| If you happen to find yourself at a card table Thursday night, and your hands seem too good to be true, get out fast. Turns of good luck don't last long for you this week.
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| ''The Maze (November 11 - December 10)''<br>
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| Feeling a little lost? Sure, you're used to being the puzzler, but being puzzled could mean this is just the Dice you've been looking for.
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| ''The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)''<br>
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| On life's vast ocean diversely we sail; reason the card, but passion is the gale.
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| ''The Hand (January 11 - February 10)''<br>
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| Jamboree time! Head down to Alchemy Beach with your eighty closest friends for a midnight clambake and volleyball party. It's just what you need to relax into the warm season. Man, I love summer.
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| ''The Baby (February 11 - March 10)''<br>
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| I promise you're getting the hang of it. It might not seem like it now, but you'll feel like an old hand by the end of the month. Psychic's honour.
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| ''The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)''<br>
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| Yeah, I know you want the one with the snap and the sparkle. But the stars are telling me you'd do much better to have another peek at the mellow fellow.
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| ''The Spider (April 11 - May 10)''<br>
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| Free at last! or so you think -- don't let it get to your head, because in about ten minutes you're going to have to buckle down to your next five big projects.
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| <b>And remember,</b> never apologise until you're sure you know what you're accused of.
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